


If You Ask a Snake for Help

by triple_crescent_moons



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25265692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triple_crescent_moons/pseuds/triple_crescent_moons
Summary: A continuation of DWIT in which Virgil accidentally ends up in the dark side living room, sobbing. Deceit is also there. What will happen? Will they fight to the death? Have they secretly been friends the whole time? Is this just angst? (it is not, just most of it!) Do enough people know the movie “Freaky Friday” for Remus’s reference to it to make any sense? Keep reading to find out(I posted this on my Tumblr a while ago, and just got an account here)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 73





	If You Ask a Snake for Help

“Isn’t that kind of unfair? Why should you be held to a different standard than any other side?”   
Time halted as Virgil realized, as much as terror rose in his stomach like seeping black bile at the thought of all of the possible reactions, rejection, and harm that would come from this decision, he would have to confess to Thomas, now that he had been directly asked. 

This was going to ruin everything. Thomas and the “light” sides were going to hate him again. He could never go back- There. Thomas will probably call Patton and Logan and Roman up as soon as he said it. They would hate him because Thomas would, even if they already knew his past. He could already see Roman turning to him, his jaw hardening at the villain he had probably always seen Virgil as, even after claiming to accept him. He could already see cracks in Patton’s cheery demeanor as he realized that his “strange dark son” was much darker than he would ever see as acceptable ever again. He could already see Logan- well Logan probably would not have much of a visible reaction- but he would hate Virgil too because everyone was going to hate Virgil. But what other choice did he have? 

“Because I was one of them” 

He looked up at Thomas and instantly regretted it.

Impassive. Unreadable. Silent. Sacred? Probably. Disappointed? Definitely. 

Virgil felt his throat clamp and looked down to see trembling hands. Thomas clearly hated him. He had ruined everything. Knowing the way Thomas was looking at him- and not even saying anything was unbearable He would probably start crying or doing some other stupid weak thing if he did not leave immediately. 

Virgil sank down, not really focusing on where he was sinking to, just knowing that he had to free himself from Thomas’s silent judgment. Although he did not realize it at the time, his subconscious pulled him down by instinct, to somewhere old and once his only source of comfort. Hardwood floor hit his feet and he crumpled to the ground, pulling his knees close to his chest and losing the last of his composure as he started to sob. He was probably in the common room he shared with Logan, Patton, and Roman, but he could not exactly be bothered to care if anyone saw him. It was not like they would ever want to help him once they knew. Because they would hate him. Because they would-

“Virgil? This is certainly very expected.”   
Ugh, now he definitely couldn’t have a breakdown. What would happen if someone saw that he came crying to Dec- 

As it turned out, no amount of stubborn resentment would have stopped the rush of hot wet tears that were streaming down his face. And it wasn’t like he could tell Deceit off because he was crying so hard that he was forgetting to breath, but would probably be hyperventilating if he could breathe. So Virgil stood there, in the middle of the common room that Deceit, Remus, and the other one shared, pouring out all of the emotion and moisture his body contained, and shaking, and only breathing when he remembered, and refusing to look Deceit in the eyes.   
Waiting until he had caught Virgil’s attention Deceit, with his voice soft, careful, and free of sarcasm, held Virgil’s glare and asked, “Is it ok if I touch you?”  
Fuck it. It wasn’t like Deceit could make the situation worse than what he had already done to himself. If Deceit could help by holding him or lying or whatever, fine. It wasn’t like Deceit cared about him or that Virgil missed him or anything. He didn’t deserve to be missed anyway. 

Virgil tried to silence his sobs to respond, but could only nod before pressing himself against Deceit and gripping his arms around him. Deceit’s cool hands found Virgil’s shaking ones. He started to rub slow circles on the back of the anxious side’s hands, knowing that it used to be helpful in comforting him. As carefully as he could, Deceit lead them to the couch and Virgil pulled closer to him as they sat down.

“Virgil, can you try to breathe with me? It is completely fine to let your feelings out, but asphyxiating yourself probably won’t help,” Deceit whispered and looked down at the side in his arms for acknowledgement. He felt the buzz of Virgil making a noise against his chest and squeezed one of his hands. “Wonderful. Breathe in,” Deceit said, doing so. Although it sounded laborious, Virgil followed suit. Deceit silently counted to four and then said, “Now hold.” Virgil made it to four seconds before gasping out a teary breath. “That’s ok. Out is better than in. We can try again.”   
And so they did, over and over. Eventually, Virgil felt himself gaining control again. He was breathing at a regular rate and he had stopped crying. He didn’t need anymore help. He was fine now. But he also didn’t want to leave the warmth and security that he felt with Deceit wrapped around him. Even if he had created a facade of despising him because he was too afraid of being rejected by the “light” sides by feeling anything but hate for the man, Virgil and Deceit had never actually lost the amiability they had always shared. Even after all the times that they disagreed on what was best for Thomas or when Deceit had pushed Virgil away in trying to hide him from Thomas, they had parted as friends when Deceit had advised him that because their host was becoming more aware of his heightened anxiety and Deceit would not be able to hide Virgil for much longer, and it would be better for Virgil to just introduce himself to Thomas (but Deceit would obviously need to keep doing his job in the shadows, keeping the others at bay). Anyway, Dee felt like home, and Virgil wasn’t exactly ready to face any of the others.   
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Deceit asked, his voice soft. 

“Later. I just want to rest now. I’m really tired without the…” as he spoke, his voice grew quieter and less focused. “Panicking,” he murmured, before losing consciousness.  
Deceit looked down at him and laughed to himself. He had forgotten how tiring coming down from high adrenaline could be. He resigned himself to being held captive by the side he was entangled with and eventually fell asleep himself, knowing that they could talk when Virgil was feeling up to it.   
Unfortunately, by virtue of living with him, Deceit was not at all surprised that they were woken up (in the morning, luckily) by the duke. Deceit probably could have moved them to his room, but it wasn’t like that would have stopped Remus, with his complete disregard for personal space, from finding them. Regardless, Virgil and Deceit were both starting to wake up when Remus came skipping and humming into the room. He stared at them, blinked, and then started to giggle.

“Deedee, Virgie! Finally kiss and makeup? Or have you just been having hot seething mad hate sex?”

Virgil sat up and glared at him halfheartedly. “No, you bitch gremlin.”

“Remus, we are clearly getting PhDs in the sexist implications of the gradual villinization of cats,” Deceit added, prompting Remus to giggle harder and Virgil to smirk slightly. 

Virgil exhaled and said, “I’m uh actually here because I kinda freaked out because I told Thomas that I was a “dark side”.” He made air quotes around “dark side.”   
Deceit turned towards him.  
“ Hmm, how badly did it go for you to react like that? I thought he was ready to know-that’s why I tried to make you- interesting.”

“He just stared at me and didn’t say anything and I couldn’t stop thinking that he hated me or how everyone else would react or—“

“— Virgil, everyone else already knows and they already accept you. You cannot tell anything from Thomas’s reaction, although I know he would never want to hate you.”

“I-yeah ok, probably, but what if that isn’t what happens the next time I see them? You can’t know how they will react, not really. I’m not sure I want to see what happens.”

“Your fears are understandable. Is there anything we can do to help you?”

“ Umm… I don’t know…” As Virgil was talking, Remus crawled onto the arm of the couch and was looking at the other two, seemingly lost in thought.

Suddenly, he exclaimed ,“You should freaky Friday it up, bitches!”

Deceit rolled his eyes. “We have the same face—“

“— That’s not what he means. That might actually help. Dee, I think it would be a lot easier to face the others if I don’t actually do it.” 

“I can do that, but only once. I can’t shield you from whatever happens forever.”

“Yeah, I know that. I’m not an idiot and it’s not like I want to duck out again or anything.” 

“I clearly think that you are stupid. Thomas will probably want to talk to you, if not the others soon, so I doubt it will be suspicious if you stay a little longer.”

They didn’t have to wait long. Later that day, once Thomas had been awake for a few hours, Virgil said toDeceit, “Thomas is thinking about summoning the others and talking to them. I don’t want you to go up unless someone tries to summon me because I don’t want to see any of them. Deceit looked at him- brown eyes meeting brown eyes as Deceit’s inhuman features melted away- and nodded. He also summoned an exact replica of Virgil’s outfit, studying Virgil carefully to make sure he was being accurate. He had, of course, listened to Roman’s advice the last time he had disguised himself. 

Virgil looked him up and down. “You’re missing eyeshadow. I’ll do it. You could mess it up and we would get caught and then everyone will definitely hate me—

“Nobody will hate you. Though, it would be nice if you did that.” 

Summoning his makeup bag, Virgil crouched onto the arm of the couch where Deceit was sitting. He took out a small brush swiped it across one of the fifteen shades of black in his pallet. He held Deceit’s face still with his right hand and started to brush a black crescent under his eye.

“Ow,” Deceit flinched away from him, “ You totally didn’t just stab me in the eye.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You should totally move while I do this,” he said, mocking the other’s tone. Deceit stuck his tongue out, but tried to not move. Once he was still, Virgil finished quickly.  
He had just put away his makeup bag when he was jerked upright from his slouch. He grabbed the edge of the couch to avoid being dragged up to Thomas’s living room. 

“Go now, Dee.”  
Deceit appeared in Virgil’s spot by the stairs, making sure to shove his hands in his pockets and not really look up at Thomas or his fellow sides. He could, however, feel Thomas looking at him reproachfully. 

“Virgil, uh, hi…” Thomas sounded wary, but not fearful. Deceit flicked his eyes up to Thomas’s. 

“Hi,”he quietly said in Virgil’s gruff baritone. Thomas picked at the edge of his jacket.

“I want to thank you for trusting me with what you said last night. That was very brave.”

“You don’t hate me?” Deceit wasn’t totally sure how Virgil would react, but he was confident that immediately accepting the news wasn’t it. 

“Aww kiddo, we would never hate you,” Patton smiles reassuringly. Deceit fought the urge to roll his eyes. Surely you would hate Virgil if you knew I was helping him or even that he doesn’t hate me as much as you arbitrarily decided that everyone should, he thought.

“Additionally, you merely confirmed information that Thomas had previously surmised. Therefore, there was not that much —ah— emotional turmoil that resulted from your confession,” Logan added.

“What? I’m pretty sure I didn’t know that,” Thomas said, looking about as confused as he normally does in videos.

“Well, you know that you previously interpreted Virgil— Anxiety— as an antagonist figure. You saw that his initial relationship with the rest of us contained significant strain and only developed over time, with work. Thus, you already knew that Virgil had not always had been the same as us.” He sighed. “Of course, it is just that, your acknowledgment and interpretation of a side’s role and significance to you that determines your view of them. There is no black and white division of good and evil sides in your mind, Thomas. There is essentially just those of us who you accept have adequate enough relationships with to communicate with you directly and regularly and those who do not, or cannot because you do not want them to, consciously or unconsciously.” He side eyed “Virgil” for a second, and then turned to the others. 

“Yeah, um, no offense to Roman, but I’m not the biggest fan of the whole “dark side” and “light side” labeling. Yeah, most of the others are assholes and can’t be trusted but you don’t need to call them “dark sides” to know that.” We love being self deprecating to save our relationship with ur friend who has to pretend to hate us to keep our host from falling apart.   
“Huh, I guess I did know that. About Virgil anyway. The rest makes sense, I guess, but I’m not totally sure…”

“Yeah, I dunno Lo. The dar- others seem pretty bad to me and I’m, you know, morality—"

“ It would be so tragic if something happened and you couldn’t repress your feelings and all of you had to actually deal with the deeper issues here. Maybe later-"

"Patton, keeping our focus on Virgil is ideal at the moment,” Logan said. 

“Speaking of Virgil, I’m sorry if making up the name “dark sides” upset you. I didn’t mean anything by it and didn’t realize how it would sound to you, tall neutral and— you know what, never mind.” Roman said. 

“Alright. Ok. Um, thank you. All of you. I- uh- if that’s it, I still feel pretty shaken up from the past few days so I’m gonna be listening to MCR- did you know they’re back!!???!- in my room so don’t bother me.” Deceit wasn’t sure how ready Virgil would be to see them and didn’t want them interacting before he was ready. 

“You’ve mentioned it a few times,” Thomas smiled at him, “ and that was all we wanted to say.”

Deceit slide back down and found Virgil on the couch where he had been before. He seemed to be listening intently. Deceit coughed lightly, not wanting to startle Virgil. He still jump at the noise but recovered quickly once he saw Deceit. Actually, he was looking at himself.

“That’s weird, dude. You can take me,” he gestured to Deceit’s entire body, “off now.”  
Deceit summoned his clothing and willed his snakelike features to resurface.

“You were listening, I presume.”

“Yeah, I— were they telling the truth?”

“Yes. I promise everything will be exactly the same if you went back and talked with any of them right now. You probably shouldn’t because I basically said you were going to pout and listen to MCR for a while.”

“That’s fair. I might. I’m going to need a few days to process.”

“You are always welcome here.”

“I know. Thank you, Dee.”

“Of course.” Virgil dipped down to his room.  
Deceit was left alone. He wasn’t lonely; Remus and the others were with him, of course, but he couldn’t help but yearn for the time when he could spend time with Virgil freely, without the danger of the reaction of the (the what? If they agreed to call Deceit and Remus and - - - the “others” did that make them “the sides?”). But this was what was best for Thomas, he knew that. He wanted what was best for Thomas. I wonder how much easier that would be if I could be accepted as lovingly as Virgil was. It is never going to happen; I shouldn’t waste time fantasizing.


End file.
